Journals20
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mom, goobye and thank you
2 min read
Barbara Ann Jacubinas 4/16/1939 -3/2/2012
a wonderful mother, supportive friend and amazing nana. you were more than i remember, and better than i realized. i never knew that part of the light that came from within me, was placed there by you. all too late do i now realize what you were, who you were and why it mattered. I will miss you, and my girls may never know what they lost today.
he will be lost without you for a time, but in time will find the strength in him to hold his head high in remembrance of you.
some how, some way, some day we will all have the strength to lift our heads and step boldly into the light and teach others what you have taught me. Patience, love unfeigned, gratitude, peace, hope, courage, strength beyond measure, long suffering, faith, joy, hope and compassion.
but not today. today i bow my head in sorrow that what was lost today was not just you. it was the essence that you brought to our family. the joy that you gave us. the memories you created. the purpose you shared.
today i pause, reflect, mourn, cry and pray.
tomorrow i will rise, and with what you have taught me in my heart, i will strive, i will fight i will carry on.
it's what you'd want. it's what you'd do.
and damnit, that's good enough for me.
a wonderful mother, supportive friend and amazing nana. you were more than i remember, and better than i realized. i never knew that part of the light that came from within me, was placed there by you. all too late do i now realize what you were, who you were and why it mattered. I will miss you, and my girls may never know what they lost today.
he will be lost without you for a time, but in time will find the strength in him to hold his head high in remembrance of you.
some how, some way, some day we will all have the strength to lift our heads and step boldly into the light and teach others what you have taught me. Patience, love unfeigned, gratitude, peace, hope, courage, strength beyond measure, long suffering, faith, joy, hope and compassion.
but not today. today i bow my head in sorrow that what was lost today was not just you. it was the essence that you brought to our family. the joy that you gave us. the memories you created. the purpose you shared.
today i pause, reflect, mourn, cry and pray.
tomorrow i will rise, and with what you have taught me in my heart, i will strive, i will fight i will carry on.
it's what you'd want. it's what you'd do.
and damnit, that's good enough for me.
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goodbye, mom...?
2 min read
my mom went into septic shock on monday. her heart stopped and it took 15 minutes to get her heart rate back to normal. 15 minutes. when i'm working 15 minutes is nothing. its a snap. by the time i notice that 15 minutes has passed, it's been 3 hours!
but when you sit there and watch a clock for 15 minutes, it's a very different situation. it fucking forever. there's been talk of brain damage. severe brain damage. and i have to admit that she hasn't really recovered. well, shes not all there. well, shes gone. her eyes don't focus...when they are actually open. she can wiggle her toe. sometimes...kinda. sometimes when we ask her to. sometimes when we don't. she can't hold my hand. she can't feel me give her a kiss. she is making "improvements" today more than she did yesterday. but the doctors say that it doesn't really mean anything...or maybe it does. but probably not....but you never know (what are we paying these guys for again?)...
tomorrow, we need to meet with the dr. that has been watching over her at 9:00 am. february 24th. tomorrow we find out the truth, of what might happen, or what he thinks might happen.
either way tomorrow is going to suck. a lot. maybe. maybe not. but you never know...
but when you sit there and watch a clock for 15 minutes, it's a very different situation. it fucking forever. there's been talk of brain damage. severe brain damage. and i have to admit that she hasn't really recovered. well, shes not all there. well, shes gone. her eyes don't focus...when they are actually open. she can wiggle her toe. sometimes...kinda. sometimes when we ask her to. sometimes when we don't. she can't hold my hand. she can't feel me give her a kiss. she is making "improvements" today more than she did yesterday. but the doctors say that it doesn't really mean anything...or maybe it does. but probably not....but you never know (what are we paying these guys for again?)...
tomorrow, we need to meet with the dr. that has been watching over her at 9:00 am. february 24th. tomorrow we find out the truth, of what might happen, or what he thinks might happen.
either way tomorrow is going to suck. a lot. maybe. maybe not. but you never know...
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Cruze on down and have a look!
1 min read
Thanks to all of you out there giving me support and encouragement along the way! I have had some of my work put up on a new website is up that showcases some of the best digital art out there on the web!
If it wasn't for the countless tutorials, words of encouragement, massive inspiration and kind remarks that you all have sent me over the last year and a half, i'm not sure that my work would be where it is today!
So please come on over and check out the site! There's a lot of amazing artists out there why want to show you what they've got to share!!
whatanart.com/2011/08/26/sci-f…
If it wasn't for the countless tutorials, words of encouragement, massive inspiration and kind remarks that you all have sent me over the last year and a half, i'm not sure that my work would be where it is today!
So please come on over and check out the site! There's a lot of amazing artists out there why want to show you what they've got to share!!
whatanart.com/2011/08/26/sci-f…
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WHAT THE HELL????
1 min read
oh my god! i went to bed at about 12:30, get up at 3:30 and RAGE has taken on a life of it's own!!!
A DAILY DEVIATION??? WHAT???
I can't tell you how honored I am! this is so awesome!!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!
It's funny, it was about 3 years ago i was told i had no talent or ability....well 3 years and thousands of DA page views later, here we are!!
Thank you so much to the DA Community! i am humbled to be honored this way!
thank you to KaanaMoonshadow (kaanamoonshadow.deviantart.com…) and ^artofkerem (artofkerem.deviantart.com/)
you two are awesome!!
THANK YOU again a million times over!
A DAILY DEVIATION??? WHAT???
I can't tell you how honored I am! this is so awesome!!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!
It's funny, it was about 3 years ago i was told i had no talent or ability....well 3 years and thousands of DA page views later, here we are!!
Thank you so much to the DA Community! i am humbled to be honored this way!
thank you to KaanaMoonshadow (kaanamoonshadow.deviantart.com…) and ^artofkerem (artofkerem.deviantart.com/)
you two are awesome!!
THANK YOU again a million times over!
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Thank You All SO MUCH!
1 min read
the last 2 years has been a very difficult for me on so many professional and personal levels...no sob stories here, but it sucked. 'nuff said.
to get back into the swing of things and present some new work was kinda hard on me. but you guys, all you deviants, and your support and encouragement has helped me find that groove so much faster with so many few bumps in the road along the way!
Thanks so much everyone! you are all so amazing! i can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings us all!
to get back into the swing of things and present some new work was kinda hard on me. but you guys, all you deviants, and your support and encouragement has helped me find that groove so much faster with so many few bumps in the road along the way!
Thanks so much everyone! you are all so amazing! i can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings us all!
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